Jack Bauer: the Facebook 24
For not very interesting reasons I’ve been searching Facebook for a Bauer group. I didn’t find what I was looking for, but what I did find was dozens of groups hailing appreciation upon “24” icon Jack Bauer.
More than 160 different groups in fact. Each with at least 100 members.
And some of them are brilliant – so here’s my compilation of the 24 best ones
24. I am going to be jack bauer when i grow up (150 members) Nice to see people have ambitions in life.
23. If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life (276 members) A warning to us all.
22. Jack Bauer- Part man part machine, ultimate legend (38 members) Not so popular this one. Not sure Jack Bauer is part machine either.
21. In God we Trust, but God trusts Jack Bauer (916 members). The first of several religious based groups. Enjoy comedy lines like “curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Jack Bauer did.”
20. If Hilary Clinton becomes president, Jack Bauer will probably kill her (6,919 members) Just as well that’s not going to happen then.
19. Superman Wears Jack Bauer Pyjamas (360 members) Yeah he does.
18. Jack Bauer is Back and Refuses to Stop Kicking Ass (133 members) I think you really have to believe this one.
17. If Jesus was a CTU agent his name would be Jack Bauer (157 members) …but JB would clearly kick some JC ass
16. In my free time, I pretend to be Jack Bauer (180 members) That’s a lot of people with too much time on their hands…
15. The new facebook helps Jack Bauer protect freedom (138 members) And he also likes the design of the status application.
14. Coalition to change the dictionary definition of ‘Badass’ to ‘Jack Bauer’ (130 members) He is one Jack Bauer Muthafucka afterall.
13. Fuck sending troops to iraq….. send jack bauer (312 members) He can’t have done a worse job in honesty.
12. If Jack Bauer shopped at Tesco, he’d destroy the self-service machines (251 members) Lesson: never tell Jack Bauer there is an unexpected item in the baggage area. This group also claims ‘Jack Bauer has 657 points on his Clubcard, but he’s too hard to redeem them.’
11. I‘ll name my first born son Jack Bauer if this group reaches 500,000 people Sadly this isn’t going to happen. So far it only has 177 members.
And here’s the long awaited top ten….
10. Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar. (1,447 members) I don’t know what a Klondike bar is, but this is still funny.
8. If Jack Bauer Were Real, Iran Would be Nuc-Free in 24 Hours (174 members)
7. I would gladly take a bullet for Jack Bauer (230 members) Also claims “if it looks like chicken, walks like a chicken, tastes like chicken, but Jack Bauer says it’s beef…then it’s fucking beef.”
6. Guns Don’t Kill People… Jack Bauer Does (2,837) And rappers, obviously.
5. Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation. (267 members) Thank God for that.
4. All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer. (20,148 members) The most popular group here by far.
3. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Jack Bauer” (154 members)
2. …and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, “I’ll take it from here.” (758 members) The last of the many, many religious piss takes…
…and the numero uno group is…
1. Jack Bauer Could Strangle You With a Cordless Phone (3,334 members) Yes, he’s that good.